doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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