Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
