Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
