I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
