I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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