The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
