Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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