she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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