i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
