They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
