Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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