Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
