Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
