Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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