sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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