I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
