her vagine was all disorganized.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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