it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
