My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
