she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
