Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's get the cat blown out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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