At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
