ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
