He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
