Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize