Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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