another moral hangover. fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
