I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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