My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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