Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
