just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
