Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
