There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He did a backflip because drugs
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