im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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