he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize