You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
