i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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