k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
