he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
