The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
