My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
