No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
