the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
