would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
