i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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