I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
