the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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