and she was petting her beer can
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
