I understand Curling. That high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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