I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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