went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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