it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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