I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
