well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
