Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
