im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
