Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
