Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
