Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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