i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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