Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
