I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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