so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
