another moral hangover. fuck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
