garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
