You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
