I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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