Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
