Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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