dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
