Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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