And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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