Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
