yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Pooping to opera.
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