let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
