Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
