Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
