Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Holy shit dude........stairs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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