peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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