Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
