dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
