A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
