my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
