So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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