Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
