My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
