I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
