i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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