Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
